August 7, 2022

Spirit-Filled Family

Preacher: Ben Jennings

Series: Ephesians Part 3: In Christ Relationships

Passage: Ephesians 6:1-4

Service Type: Worship Service

Session #18- Spirit Filled Families

Scripture: Ephesians 6:1-4

Subject: Families

Central Theme: Spirit-filled Families

Objective Statement: God has instituted the family and desires our families to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. Here are practices that identify if your family is being controlled by the Holy spirit.

Keyword:

Spirit filled children obey their parents. (v.1)
Spirit filled children honor their parents. (v.2-3)
Spirit filled fathers do not provoke their children to anger. (v.4, Proverbs 15:1)
Spirit filled parents cultivate goodness in their children. (v. 4)
Spirit filled parents correct evil in their children. (v.4)
Spirit filled parents teach their children the Word of God. (v.4, Deuteronomy 6:4-13)

Introduction:

This is our 18^th sermon in our study on the book of Ephesians.
It’s a book that I have told you that can be summarized succinctly in two words- “in Christ”.
To summarize the flow of the book, we have learned that in the first three chapters the Apostle Paul tells us who we are in Christ if we are saved.
- We are saints, sanctified, chosen, adopted, forgiven, loved, and sealed.
- We have hope in His calling.
- We have the riches of His inheritance.
- We have access to the same power that raised Christ from the dead.
And because this is who we are in Christ, this identity is what we should live out in our daily lives.
We are in Christ, the Holy Spirit says through Paul. Now act like those who are in Christ.
The hinge on which the whole book swings that teaches this very idea is found in Ephesians 4:1.

Ephesians 4:1

(1) I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,

In Chapters 4 and 5, we learn what that looks like as we are told to walk worthy, walk in love, walk not like the other gentiles walk in the futility of their mind, and to walk circumspectly or carefully because the days are evil.
Walking carefully in these evil times lead Paul to this incredible verse that sets us up for this exciting end of the letter.

Ephesians 5:15-18

(15) See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,

(16) Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

(17) Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

(18) And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

Being filled or controlled by the Spirit, or influenced by the Spirit, or obedient to the Spirit will mean many different things- Towards God it looks like worhship, praise and thanksgiving. Towards others it looks like mutual submission- putting others ahead of ourselves.

Ephesians 5:21

(21) Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

And this mutual submission becomes what Paul consistently applies through the rest of the book as it shows up in all of the relationships of life.
He started with the marriage relationships.
We learned about Spirit filled wives in Ephesians 5:21-24.

A wife who is “in Christ” displays that she is being controlled by the Holy Spirit when she lives according to three key realities.
Reality #1- Spirit controlled wives submit to their husbands.
Reality #2- Spirit controlled wives understand their role.
Reality #3- Spirit controlled wives know their value.

We also learned about Spirit filled husbands.

Spirit Filled Husbands submit to their wives by embracing these five responsibilities.
Responsibility #1- Leading their wives. (v.23-24)
Responsibility #2- Loving their wives. (v.25, 28-30)
Responsibility #3- Sanctifying their wives. (v.26-27)
Responsibility #4- Clinging to their wives. (v.31)
Responsibility #5- Showing Christ and the Assembly (V.32-33)

So that brings us to the beginning of chapter 6 where we find ourselves today.
And the text speaks to the parent and child relationships.
I want to tell you today, as is right in the Lord, that God’s design and plan has always been for married parents to raise their children.
After the fall in Genesis 3 we know that the world is broken, cursed by sin.
We also know that God’s grace is there for people that do not find themselves in that ideal.
I know that within the sound of this sermon there are
- grandparents raising kids
- mom’s raising kids by themselves
- Dad’s raising kids by themselves
- Extended family members raising the children that are not theirs…
- There are families who have adopted children that are not their own…
And it is important for me to tell you that God can and does do amazing things in all of these family scenarios. There is something to learn in the text we are going to read today about how people that find themselves in these kinds of situations can raise Godly kids.
While all of that is true, can we say that God’s desire is for a man and woman to be committed to each other for a lifetime, and that people that raise children should be committed to their marriages and to their children.
The husband and wife raising children isn’t some western, cultural idea. It is God’s design.
That does not mean that if your family doesn’t fit this design that you are inferior. There are just unique challenges in each of these scenarios.
Let me tell you about my family:
- There has been this less than ideal thing in our families life because of sinful choices.
  - Grandmama and Grandaddy Doug- Leaving with my dad in 5^th grade…Divorce…Single Motherhood, Salvation, Local Church, Bus Ministry
- There was a time where there was brokenness in my immediate family because of living in a sin cursed world.
  - Mom dying of cancer…
  - Recognizing the need for a mom and a dad, a wife, and a pastor’s wife.
- The jury is still out on me.
  - I’m in this passage because I must teach the whole counsel of God.
- It is important for us to not let the fact that God allows for there to be situations where family doesn’t look like this to keep us from acknowledging His good plan and design for the family.
- The other thing I must say is that aiming for success in being a family and raising children is for the family to have the right definition of success.
- I believe a successful family is a Spirit-filled family.
- You can have all the money in the world, and provide every kind of great experience and comfort for your family, but if they don’t know Christ, don’t know how to follow Christ, and aren’t living for Christ, it will matter in eternity.
- Our kids can be good at sports, and have great grades, and not learn what it means to walk with the Lord and that will matter in eternity.
- Our kids can go to church and sing in the choir, and be involved in the youth group, but if they don’t learn what it means to walk in the Spirit that will matter in eternity.
- Saved, Spirit Controlled, in Christ families are crucial to our church, our neighborhoods, our city, our county and our nation. That will matter in eternity.

God has instituted the family and desires our families to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. Here are practices that identify if your family is being controlled by the Holy spirit.

1. Spirit filled children obey their parents. (v.1)

Ephesians 6:1

(1) Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

The most basic responsibility of children is that they learn how to obey their parents.
This is fundamental because if they do not learn to obey, they will not be able to be taught anything else.
Being obedient to parents is fundamental to them being able to be obedient to any authority.
Paul tells children to obey their parents “in the Lord”. What does he mean by “in the Lord?”
- This is a recognition that every child has exactly the parents that God wants them to have. Who gave the children to those parents? God did.
- This is a recognition that the parents are subject to the Lord. If the parent tells the child to do something that goes against God the child must disobey. The parent is under the authority of God, and the child is under the authority of God and their parents.
This means that parents do not have an option about making their children obey.
The most fundamental thing I must require of my children is obedience.
The most fundamental reason for demanding that obedience is found at the end of the verse… “for this is right.”
I remember thinking as a child, “Well that means the parents have the easy part. They just tell us what to do. That’s easy.”
But having become a parent myself, I have realized that the parenting is the hard part.
The way to teach a kid to be obedient is consistency.
The level of obedience I enforce and require on Monday cannot be different than what it is on Friday.
If I allow my energy level, mood, frustration level, or even people who see me to influence what level of obedience I allow then I will teach my kids that obedience is optional. I impact their character. I hurt their morals. I make them less teachable.
If I say, “Johnny get clean up and go to your room to get ready for bed”, and then I keep reading and they keep playing, and then I raise my voice a little bit, and they keep playing, and then I yell, and they get up and move at that point, I just taught them that they only have to obey once I yell.
That is a good illustration of all kinds of thing that go on between parents and children.
We must parent with action. If we do not then we will treat obedience as optional.
What connection is this to being filled with the Spirit?
- If a child does not learn how to obey their parents, how will they learn to obey the Holy Spirit?
- If they do not obey mom and dad, will they obey the Bible?
- If they do not learn to obey, will they be teachable? If they are not teachable, does that impact their response to the Gospel?
- If they do not respond to the Gospel, then there will never be a Holy Spirit indwelling, much less Holy Spirit obedience!

Practices of Spirit Filled Families:

2. Spirit filled children honor their parents. (v.2-3)

Ephesians 6:2-3

(2) Honour thy father and mother;

A child can obey their parents without honoring them, but he cannot honor their parents without obeying them.
Obedience is fundamental to honoring parents. But children must go beyond obedience into honor.
- Obedience is the action that is required.
- Honor is the attitude that is required.
- To honor the parents means to revere.
- It means to treat with respect.
There is no qualification for the child to only honor if the parent is honorable.
- The word “honor” here is an imperative, just like the word “obey”. They are commands.
- Children must obey and honor their parent even if their parent is not honorable.
- When I did student ministry, I would tell students that they must honor their parents and obey them even if the parent didn’t recognize it as honorable.
Paul goes on to point out something about this command. It is in the top 10!

(which is the first commandment with promise;)

(3) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

What does he mean that it is the first command with a promise?
- No other Gods. Exodus 20:3- (3) Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
  - Promise with that? Just obey.
- Nothing that looks like me. Exodus 20:4- (4) Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image,
  - Promise with that? Just obey.
- Don’t mess with my name. Exodus 20:7(7) Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
  - Promise with that? Just obey.
- Don’t mess with my day. Exodus 20:8- (8) Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
  - Promise with that? Just obey.
- Honor your parents. Exodus 20:12 (12) Honour thy father and thy mother:
  - Promise with that? Yes! “…that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”
- Do you want a good life? Do you want a prosperous life? Do you want a life that honors God?
  - Stop fight with your parents, and start fighting for a r
- Do you want your kids to have a good life? Do you want them to thrive? Do you want them to love God?
- They will not honor God if they don’t honor you.
- They will not obey God if they do not learn to obey you.

Practices of Spirit Filled Families:

3. Spirit filled fathers do not provoke their children to anger. (v.4, Proverb 15:1)

Scripture Ephesians 6:4

(4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:

Interestingly, Paul turns to fathers here.
The word for father “Pater” is used 347 times in the new testament. It is used for father 346 of those times, and 1 time is translated as parents.
It can speak to both parents, but I believe is rightly directed here to fathers even though the application would apply to mothers here as well.
Do not provoke your children to wrath.
Father’s certainly can engender frustration, resentment, and anger in their children in one of two ways.
One commentator put it this way:

In the pagan world of Paul's day, and even in many Jewish households, most fathers ruled their families with rigid and domineering authority. The desires and welfare of wives and children were seldom considered. The apostle makes clear that a Christian father's authority over his children does not allow for unreasonable demands and strictures that might drive his children to anger, despair, and resentment. (MacArthur)

In our day this may very well be true.
I have also seen kids be provoked to wrath through the distance between them and a father.
Many children do not have their fathers involved in their lives.
Others have fathers that are at home, but are distant from their kids.
We as dads have the temptation at times to put to much time into our work and our hobbies and to frustrate and anger our kids through inattention.
We can provoke our children to anger by how we speak to them.
- We can yell instead of teach.
- Tell instead of train.
- Expect without communication.
The Bible tells us not to provoke a child to anger.
We are also told some things that help with anger.

Proverbs 15:1

(1) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

So how do we make sure we are not provoking our children to wrath?
Paul explains it in the rest of the verse:

Practices of Spirit Filled Families:

Spirit filled parents cultivate goodness in their children. (v. 4)

Ephesians 6:4

(4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

To nurture is to influence the variables, the environment, and the input that a child gets that helps them to know what to do.
The two terms, “nurture” and “admonition” speak to the positive and the negative.
To “nurture” is to teach them and encourage them in what it right.

Practices of Spirit Filled Families:

Spirit filled parents correct evil in their children. (v.4)

Ephesians 6:4

(4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

An “admonition” is what happens we correct the evil in our children.
We discourage, correct, and discipline our children when they behave wrongly.
We don’t just aim at behavior. We aim for the heart.
It’s not enough to just encourage the good. We must correct and discipline the wrong.
It’s also not enough just to discipline the wrong. We must train, exemplify, and teach them to do the right thing.
When we do only do one or the other, or if we do not do either, we will provoke our children to wrath.
There is one more phrase that is instructive at the end of this verse, and that leads us to the foundation of the whole message.

Practices of Spirit Filled Families:

Spirit filled parents teach their children the Word of God. (v.4, Deuteronomy 6:4-13)

Ephesians 6:4

(4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Where do we get wisdom and teaching to give to our kids? How do we know how to nurture- to cultivate the good? How do we know what is good?
Where do we get wisdom and teaching on what is evil? Where do we get the admonitions of the Lord?
We find it in the Word of God!
There is no other real source of truth that will nurture the good and help us to correct the evil.
We don’t ask our children how they want to be raised! We don’t just do it out of how we were raised. We must teach our children the Word of God.

2 Timothy 3:16-17

(16) All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

(17) That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

Deuteronomy 6:4-13

(4) Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:

(5) And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

(6) And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:

(7) And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

(8) And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

(9) And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

(10) And it shall be, when the LORD thy God shall have brought thee into the land which he sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give thee great and goodly cities, which thou buildedst not,

(11) And houses full of all good things, which thou filledst not, and wells digged, which thou diggedst not, vineyards and olive trees, which thou plantedst not; when thou shalt have eaten and be full;

(12) Then beware lest thou forget the LORD, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.

(13) Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God, and serve him, and shalt swear by his name.

Topics: Family, Marriage, Parenting