The Love Gap: Measuring the Distance Between God's Standard and Our Reality

Have you ever ordered clothing online only to discover a massive difference between the picture and the product? Or perhaps you've experienced the disappointment of a fast-food meal that looks nothing like its advertisement? We all recognize these gaps between expectation and reality. But there's a far more significant gap I want to talk about today—the gap between what love should be and what our love actually is.

The True Measure of Love

The Bible gives us an utterly true and convincing picture of what love is. In 1 Corinthians 13, we find "beautifully penned words in all of the scripture" that I've been dwelling on for weeks. This passage is like "picking up a jewel called love" and looking at it from different angles, seeing how the light refracts through it in various ways. As I studied this text, I kept thinking about the Old Testament story where a king sees a supernatural hand writing on the wall: "Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin" — which means "you have been weighed and found wanting." When we measure ourselves against God's standard of love, we discover a gap. I'm not as loving as I ought to be. And if you hear this text explained and think, "I am golden, I am knocking it out of the park when it comes to love," then you haven't really understood what the Spirit is trying to say.

The 16 Qualities of Agape Love

The word used for "charity" in 1 Corinthians 13 is "agape." This love "is a servant of the will, not a slave to the emotion. It's less a feeling and more a choice. It's not dependent on the deservedness of the receiver, but on the will of the giver." Let me share just a few of the 16 qualities of love from this passage:

Love Is Patient

"Charity suffereth long" (1 Corinthians 13:4). The word for "suffereth long" is macroumeo and means "to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles." When you tell your spouse or kids "I love you," agape love means "I'm willing to persevere painfully and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles through our relationship."

Love Bears All Things

"Love bears all things" (1 Corinthians 13:7). The word for "beareth" here means "to roof over" or "to cover with silence." It has the idea of bearing the weight of suffering for the good of another. Like an umbrella that "takes the hit so that I don't have to," love suffers and protects. "It takes the hit on behalf of another."

Love Endures

"Love endures all things" (1 Corinthians 13:7). This word "endure" means "to stay under." If protecting is covering over, "enduring is bearing under. It means staying under. It means holding others up." If you promised "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part," love counts for "the worse and the sickness and the poorer. Stay. Stay. Stay. Fight through it. Don't run. Stay."

The Gap We All Experience

If you were to ask me at any random time, "Do you love your wife? Do you love your kids? Do you love your church?" I'd probably say, "Oh yeah, I love them." But this text makes us pause and measure ourselves against its standard. Could you insert your name wherever the word "charity" goes in this text? "In any given situation, [your name] suffers long and is kind. [Your name] doesn't envy, does not promote himself and is not arrogant." The truth is, "far too often there is a gap between who I ought to be and who I am." Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." And what's glorious about God? "He is the best lover. God is love."

Finding Hope in God's Perfect Love

The good news is that's not what I have to do to be loved by God. "I'm loved by God as I am. And when I was his enemy, he sent his son to die for me." Even better, "the fruit of love is the fruit of the Spirit. And if you know Christ as your savior, you have the Holy Spirit in you to help you grow in love."

Putting It Into Practice

1. Measure the gap - Take time to honestly evaluate where your love falls short of God's standard.
2. Remember God's love for you - "We're not loved because we're good. We're loved because He's good."
3. Rely on the Holy Spirit - When we trust Christ, "God the Holy Spirit comes and indwells me and helps me do what I otherwise could not consistently do."
4. Stay - When loving is difficult, remember that "love never stops." Choose to persevere.

When our relationship with God is right, our relationships with others improve. "When this [pointing to God] is right, then this [pointing to others] gets right. And when this is wrong, it is an indication that this is wrong." The love of God truly is "greater far than tongue or pen could ever tell." And through His Spirit, we can begin to close the gap.