How to Do Right When You’ve Been Wronged

What would you do if the people who murdered your husband and two sons were never brought to justice — and then you chose to go back to the very place where it happened? Most of us would struggle just to get out of bed. Yet that’s exactly what Gladys Staines did. Her story — and the question it raises — is at the heart of what we’re studying in Romans chapter 12: How do you do right to those who have wronged you? How to forgive someone who hurt you?

The Question We All Have to Answer

If we’re honest with ourselves, it has us asking, “How was that possible? How can you actually forgive in the face of such evil? How can you bless somebody who has hurt you, who has cursed you, maybe even taken the life of someone you love?”

The truth is, there’s a whole spectrum of offenses we face in life. On one end, there’s the waitress who’s rude when you’re about to leave her a tip, or the driver who cuts you off in traffic. On the other end, maybe you’re someone who’s discovered a spouse has been unfaithful, or a family member’s foolish decision has cost you financially, or you’re a young person being bullied and dreading going to school every day. Wherever you fall on that spectrum, the struggle is real — and God’s Word speaks directly to it.

What True Spirituality Actually Looks Like

We’ve been studying Romans chapter 12 in our series on True Spirituality. The Apostle Paul — who wrote this letter to the church in Rome around A.D. 57 — describes what a genuinely Spirit-filled life looks like. It’s a life of surrender (Romans 12:1), separation from the world (Romans 12:2), a sober and humble view of yourself, and a life that serves with love. And tonight, we come to the final Mark: supernatural obedience.

When Paul commands us in Romans 12:14-21 to bless those who persecute us, to overlook the offense of the offender, and to overcome evil with good, we have to be honest — we cannot do that in our flesh. “God commands us and asks us to do something very, very difficult.” But here’s the encouragement: God’s not going to command you to do something in scripture that he’s not going to give you the resources to obey.

The Foundation: What Romans Tells Us

Before we get to the what — the practical steps — we need to understand the why, and that means understanding the whole book of Romans. The first five chapters lay out the gospel: “The just shall live by faith” (Romans 1:17). You can be made right with God — justified not by works, not by keeping the law, but only by faith in what Christ did for you.

Then in Romans chapters 6, 7, and 8, Paul moves to sanctification — how you live out that salvation. He answers the question: how do you get victory over sin? The answer is the Holy Spirit. “You get the Holy Spirit, you now get this divine enablement to overcome sin.” And that’s exactly what we need tonight. When it comes to forgiving someone who has wronged you, to blessing them even though they’ve hurt you, you’re going to need supernatural help to obey — and Paul has told us we have that resource. It’s the Holy Spirit.

Five Ways to Respond When You’ve Been Wronged

1. Bless With Your Words

Romans 12:14 says, “Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.” The Greek tense of the word “bless” here has the idea of making it habitual — something you always do when others curse. This is opposite of what seems instinctive and natural, but God’s ways are paradoxical to our ways.

When Paul says “curse not,” he’s not just talking about using foul language. He’s talking about something much deeper, at a heart level. “Sometimes you and I know what it’s like to have somebody that really gets under our skin. The thought has gone through my mind, ‘God, I’d rather them not be on planet Earth.’ That’s actually a curse.” Paul says in Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth.” That is a really, really high standard. But again, God’s not going to command you to do something that he’s not going to give you the resources to obey.

Consider the story of Dimitri, a Russian believer imprisoned under Soviet communism for 17 years for preaching the gospel. Every single morning for those 17 years, Dimitri would come to his prison cell door, raise his arms, and sing a hymn of praise to Jesus. Prisoners mocked him. Guards beat him. They threatened him with death. But one morning, when Dimitri was being led out to be executed, those same 1,500 prisoners — who had memorized his hymn over 17 years — began to sing it at the top of their lungs. The guards were so shaken they let him go. “For 17 years, Dimitri never cursed. He blessed.”

2. Care With Your Hearts

Romans 12:15-16 says, “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.” Even when somebody has hurt you, be willing to rejoice with them. Be willing to weep with them. Have empathy.

“Hurt people hurt people.” Everybody we meet is like an iceberg — we only see a little tip. We don’t see what’s underneath the waters. “Many times, the people that offend us and hurt us, they’re only doing that because that’s what’s been done to them.” Paul says in response to those kinds of people, we need to have empathy. Even Christ, before going to the cross, looked out over Jerusalem and his heart was broken for the people who were like sheep without a shepherd.

3. Make Peace With Your Actions

Romans 12:17-18 says, “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” We don’t fight fire with fire. “The Christian fights fire with kindness.” Peace, pursued through your actions, can actually stop the domino effect of hurt and retaliation.

4. Trust God With Your Hurts

Romans 12:19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” When Paul says “give place unto wrath,” he means leave room — give space for God to work. Let God be the judge, because he’s the only one who is infinite in knowledge.

Think of Joseph in Genesis 50. His brothers had sold him into slavery, yet when he had the power to destroy them, he said, “Ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good” (Genesis 50:20). He gave God space to work. Think of King David, who refused to lay a hand on King Saul even when Saul relentlessly persecuted him. Think of Jesus himself, who, as 1 Peter 2:23 tells us, “When he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.”

And consider what happened to the early church in Acts 6:7, right in the middle of intense persecution: “The word of God increased; and the number of the disciples multiplied in Jerusalem greatly; and a great company of the priests were obedient to the faith.” Even Saul of Tarsus — the greatest hater of Christianity — eventually turned to Christ, “largely because of the testimony of the Christians who knew how to bless when other people were cursing them.”

5. Overcome Evil With Good

Romans 12:20-21 says, “Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”

This is how Gladys Staines responded after losing her husband Graham and their two sons Timothy and Philip to a violent attack by a militant group in India in 1999. Rather than walking away in bitterness, she returned to the leprosy clinic where they had served the poorest of the poor. She was quoted as saying, “I wasn’t here just because I was Graham’s wife. I was here because God had also placed a call on my life.” Her story moved hearts so greatly that India’s national newspaper, the Times of India, ran an article on her titled Forgiveness Heals — giving her a platform to testify to over a billion people of the power Christ gives us to forgive.

Putting It Into Practice

So tonight, we have to ask ourselves some honest questions:

• How do I respond when I’m offended? Am I quick to curse — with my words or in my heart?
• Do I refuse to have empathy with others, even those who have hurt me?
• Am I trying to take vengeance into my own hands rather than trusting God to be the judge?

“It’s always right to do right. And no matter what our devilish, deceitful little hearts tells us, when it comes to sin, there is no excuse we can give ourselves to do wrong that is justified.”

You have the Holy Spirit living in you. You can live the true spiritual life. “If you’ll surrender, if you’ll seek to obey God in every area, if you’ll fill your heart with his word, if you’ll gather together with his people, if you’ll make living for God the number one goal of your life — you can experience victory. You can overcome evil with good.”

That is true spirituality.